I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
