woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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