Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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