i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
