There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
