Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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