im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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