I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
