I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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