im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize