I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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