I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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