New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
