its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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