You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
