i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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