Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
