escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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