This dress was meant to end up on your floor
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
