it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
