youre lurking in front of me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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