Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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