so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
