He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
