Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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