does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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