Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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