I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up under a house in Key West
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