Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
