just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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