So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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