It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
