I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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