Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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