he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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