note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
