I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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