Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
