Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
