You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
