____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
