I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
