I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My balls are so social today.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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