OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you didnt know i had herpes?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
