im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
