It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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