I'm lost and stupid without you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
