I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
