I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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