how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
