It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
