you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
