my mouth tastes like poor choices
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
