Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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