Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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