So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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