the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
