just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
