My nipple is on Facebook.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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