All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
