now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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