Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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