I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I forget how to act sober
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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