my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
