I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
