dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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