She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
