i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
