All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
