Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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